alistair is born in 9:10 dragon and origin takes place in 9:30 dragon. he’s fucking 20 years old when origins happens. that makes my brosca fucking? 19?? what the hell???? theyre kids. theyre KIDS. fuck loghain. how does it feel to get your shit kicked in by a couple of babies

The true dragon age inquisition experience no matter how many times you’ve played it already

• spending at least half an hour choosing your race/gender/class/speciality
  
• spending an hour actually making your inquisitor
• overexposured Leliana face (how did they get it that white)
• *herald ate a very sour lemon while running towards the bridge and fell*
• unnecessary loud bridge collapse
• “the magic here is unlike any i’ve seen” r u sure about that Solas
  
• i just want to secure some horses to the inquisition and need to kill the wolves i don’t wanna deal with that level million rift
• find a passage to the wolf cave from the witchwood and realize your life is lie
• I JUST WANT TO GET THE FINAL CAMP ON THE HILL AND THERE’S THREE BEARS
• “we just opened them up, with äxes”
• why are you greatly disapproving me i’m right mages should be free
• “i can’t come in unless you open” aw cole
  
• *montage to killing templars and failing to save anyone in haven because you have a bad eyesight and didn’t notice the woman under all the planks*
• “wow i didn’t remember corypheus was that tall”
  
• *causes and avalanche that busies all of Haven* they did that
• unnecassarily long slow walk through the snow
• the legend says once you gain the quest “to lure a dragon” all quillbacks and phoenixes disappear from the world in matter of milliseconds
• where ht e  F u CK IS THE LAST TRAP
• HOW THE FUCK IS CLAREL STILL ALIVE W HT A THE FCKU
• the fact that you can’t accidentally walk in a dragon fight
• except the one in crestwood please i just want to seal the rift

• Continuously pressing the skip button through the unskipable 20 minute long segment of singing, finding skyhold, then becoming Inquisitor
  
• Wasting money on a ton of schematics you will never use
• Ditto for mounts
• Collecting all the elfroot (and iron) every time you visit Haven so you don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the game
  
• Playing The Floor is Lava in The Fallow Mire except the floor is water and the lava is unlimited zombies
• Except your companions don’t know the rules
• Spamming these bad boys when hiking cross country
• And using them to launch yourself off ledges to see how far you can fly
• Saving your super abilities for when you really need them and then end up never using them
• Bull is out again
• Cole is out again
  
• Parkouring your way up to horribly placed shards
  
• “Fuck that shard”
  
• Forgetting this isn’t Skyrim and insisting your mount can climb a mountain
• “This should hold back the darkspawn” …You sure about that
  
• Wondering if you’ve got the banter bug and just when you’re getting on a mount your companions start talking before cutting off
• Sighing deeply as you run forever and ever through the whole lot of nothing in the Hissing Wastes
• Playing Hide and Seek with giants in the Emerald Graves
• Accidentally hitting brontos when fighting said giants and now you’ve got two giants and seven brontos and all you wanted to do was to grab some landmarks damnit
• Taking advantage of the no fall damage at Skyhold
• Ignoring fall damage everywhere else
• Travelling across the Waking Sea all the way to Kirkwall to adjust the opacity of your eyeshadow because holy shit it was definitely not that strong in the CC

here’s an idea: magic use affects the body– we’re already shown in-game how rift mages’ perception of time and self is altered, and it’s not that far a leap to assume other types of magic can have effects on the body. 

maybe some of it’s mental, a certain hot temper in long-time fire mages, a heightened emotional empathy in spirit healers. maybe there are physiological effects as well. a mage who casts enough lightning spells is always covered in static charge, hair never quite flat and always zapping door handles and the armor of those next to them. should they spend enough time immersed in the magic of ice and snow and they put on a little bit of weight, a new layer of fat insulating their body from the cold. if they spend too long playing with fire, their skin gets chapped, they overheat easily, and their appetite doubles, metabolism skyrocketing as they consume and expend vast amounts of energy.

necromancy has unpleasant side-effects– wounds heal a little slower, and necrotic afflictions like gangrene are extremely common without careful attention. pursuing the path of the arcane warrior makes mages shorter, for some reason. rift mages tend to encounter troubles with animals as their studies progress, especially with cats and mabari, who react to changes in smell and body language.

healers always smell a little like embrium. dealing with demons raises blisters on the tip of the right thumb. dalish keepers rarely sleep for more than three hours at a time.  force magic thickens the tibia and makes mages more susceptible to nosebleeds. shapeshifters become ambidextrous if they weren’t before. 

An open letter to Solas,

First of all,

Bitch,